I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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