Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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