(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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