no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
