I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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