am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
