i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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