what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
