Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
