I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
