I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
