Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All the doctor said was why
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
