he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
