I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
