I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
