new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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