I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
