He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
