The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
