so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
