1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
