i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
