i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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