giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
