I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
