Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
