this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
