I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize