Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
