I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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