I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
