Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
