**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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