i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
