I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
