thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
