So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't special order awesome
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
