i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
