I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize