So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
