I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
whose ass print is on the piano?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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