People in love make me want to vomit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
