All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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