Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
