I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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