Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
