speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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