Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
