I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
