I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
