____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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