I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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