covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
