I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
