If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
