She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
