you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
