im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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