Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
