Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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