upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
