I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
