Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
