guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
