He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
