dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
