I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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